You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
