Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
