We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
