I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
