The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
