Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize