I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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