I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
