I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just cut my nipple shaving
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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