I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
