Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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