I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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