Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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