don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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