I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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