i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
