we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
