I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
