I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
