two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
