Will you blow on my dice?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
