Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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