I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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