I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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