if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
