I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
