I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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