Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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