Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
