Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
