i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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