new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
