I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
