I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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