HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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