I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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