Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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