shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
