I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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