the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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