Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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