I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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