There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
