Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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