dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
