Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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