well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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