I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
