something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
