In the future we'll all be gay
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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