this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there is glitter all over my balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
