Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
