i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
