i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
