He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your penis caused this!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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