the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize