my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
