Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
