Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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