I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
