So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
