New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the raccoons are back...
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