My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize