Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
