So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize