Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
