How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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