I cannot find my penis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
