wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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