***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
