Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
