It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
